when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
