Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
