escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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