Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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