Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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