please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
