grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
