a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
