Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
