Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So here I am, sexting at work.
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