I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
