I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
