did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
