Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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