I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
