I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
