this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
