you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
