When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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