She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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