today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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