i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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