I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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