i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
