so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
