I wish you could order shots online.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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