he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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