drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
