get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
