I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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