What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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