I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
