A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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