i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Porn is love you can see.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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