i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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