matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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