I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
