I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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