im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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