so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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