I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
