so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
