pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
