oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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