I just saw a hot homeless man
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
