how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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