Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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