I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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