my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
