I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
