So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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