i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize