let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A+ Viking dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
