I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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