My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
