I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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