oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
