nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
