I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
