Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
