I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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