talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
