nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
