Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
