Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So much rum. So many feels.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
