a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
