Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
