shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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