Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
