My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
