Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
