he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
