I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
