At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
