i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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