Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
