Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
