I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
