I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
