My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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