OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
