I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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