worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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