summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
