Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
