He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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