he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
