Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
