I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
