Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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