So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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