just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
