I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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