Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
