maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
