She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
