You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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