i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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