...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
