I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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