forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
