you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
